First off, I didn’t have a life changing experience in Mexico. I had seen that kind of poverty before, and yes, it is very sad. I feel for those people that struggle just to eat. I saw the joy on their faces from the mere thought of receiving a bag of long grain rice we were handing out to those whose homes were in the town dump. Their houses, which were literally four pieces of whatever could hold up to make a square, were in shambles, and when they walked outside, they stepped into garbage. Spontaneous combustion methane fires were burning just under them, and most of the children were orphans, living in abject poverty. The orphanage was amazing. They offered so much to these children, most of them from the dump area. They received three meals a day, and clothes, and a safe place to sleep. But they were also offered an education, love, and hope. Some of the kids had even gone off to college and were planting churches in Mexico and the US. My favorite part was playing music with this guy Jesse from a school in Virginia I think, and with this other guy who lived at the orphanage and went to high school. We played guitar and drums and what not for over two hours. It really just goes to show how music is a universal language.
Not only was it eye-opening, but I had lots of fun. The group was awesome, and I love Rosie and our fun tobacco deep-conversation adventure. We brought guitars and marshmallows and built a fire on the beach the last night we were there. The moon was so bright it made the water almost glow. I felt very close to God that night. To see him in all his glory, even here, where there was so much pain. I could have sat there until morning, but it was cold, and I needed sleep.
My sorta life changing epiphany didn’t happen in Mexico, I occured it in LA when I went to stay with my aunt, Kindra. Kinda is awesome. She works in the editing department of Walt Disney on the Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2, and 3. She’s a successful editor and lives 7 blocks from Santa Monica Beach. She built her own career from the bottom starting with nothing. But all this is not why she’s so awesome. She’s awesome because she doesn’t take life for what it is. She takes more. She appreciates family and art and simple things like coffee from the Coffee Bean. She doesn’t gloat or boast; she takes her ideas seriously and doesn’t believe what she does just because someone told her to. I just love her attitude toward life. We talked politics and religion and family, and I realized I have much more in common with her than I originally thought. So anyway, that’s Kindra, and she made me think about life, and being in LA made me think about life, and seeing my friend Adam’s photos at a show he was holding in LA at the time also made me think about life.
On a side note, I told my mom that I wanted to move to southern California. She said, “We’ll see.” She told me I couldn’t apply to school there because it was too far away. So I went to Arizona, the next state over. She said everyone in California is liberals and it’s full of freaks. I took a picture of a freak for her:
Tuesday morning, all depressed and annoyed with life, I sat in my English class and wrote most of this blog. I like to write stuff when I am really feeling it at the moment, or else it really doesn’t have the effect I want it to. First off, Kindra made me think about politics. Like I said before, we talked lots of politics. I just want to say for the record, just because of what I write or think doesn’t mean I’m turning into a crazy Canadian liberal. It just means that I want my views to be concreted on things that I believe. I’m not saying the liberals or the conservatives are right; I’m just saying, whatever you believe, believe it for a reason. I think that is where I have the most trouble because before I talked to Kindra, actually, before I came to college, I was a “very conservative Republican.” I wouldn’t even listen to anyone else’s ideas when I was in high school. I would have to say this is mostly because of my parents. Not that that’s bad or anything, but it just is the way it is. I think most people find that they believe most of what their parents believe until they either have a life changing experience or they go to college or they move away from home. I’m an advocate for moving away from home, it makes people think. My sister’s moving to London next year…good for her. Anyway…
I’m not saying that everyone has to change their political views to become enlightened, but at least think about what you stand for. One of the biggest issues in the country right now is abortion. There is an attempt right now, by the Republican run government, to reverse Roe vs. Wade. Now, being a Christian one would think I would give all hail to the Bush regimen to get this show on the road. But, I’m not, not even in the slightest. I’m not for abortion. I think too many women use it as a way out of an inconvenience, as contraception. But, outlawing abortion will only make women who can’t afford to leave the country for an abortion do it illegally. It’s dangerous; many women will be hurt because of illegal abortion. So many women get hurt now; they have serious uterus damage, etc.; imagine if it was illegal. I just think it’s a bad idea. And then these doctors will be working under the table, literally, and crime will ‘increase’ and all sorts of crap will stem from this. Does the government really think that making abortions illegal will stop people from having them, or more to the root of the issue, stop people from having unprotected sex? No. It won’t. If you don’t agree with me, that’s fine. This is just what I think.
My dad asks me, “So, have you become liberal yet?” just because I went to college. No Dad, don’t fret. But it does say something for the liberals. If most people who go to college are thinkers, are smart, then why is it that most come out of college liberal? I compare New York where most people I met were lawyers and could speak three languages to rural Tennessee. Liberal vs. Conservative. I don’t know, maybe they have something here. But then again, sometimes I think liberalism is an excuse not to take responsibility.
One thing I don’t understand is that the religious right conservative party seems to subscribe to: “you earn it you deserve it, and if you can’t earn it, then you just need to work harder.” I’ve heard many times (and sadly have even said myself) in response to seeing a bum or the poor, “why don’t they just get a job, even if it’s at McDonalds?” But then Kindra told me that during someone’s Presidency (I don’t remember who) the government ran out of money and had to close many of the insane asylums, so all these people, who couldn’t really function in a normal setting, were just sent out in the world. Now they are bums and getting rap for it. Can you blame them? But what did Jesus do? Seriously, I’m not just being cliché…he was friends with the tax collectors and the widows and the orphans and the prostitutes and the sick and the poor. But, oh no, isn’t that a liberal stance? What shall we do, oh what shall we do? I just bugs me. Jesus didn’t subscribe to a political agenda, in fact he avoided the topic all together, so why are we so concerned? I’m not very good at arguing politics…there are like three people I know that are, my friend Joel from Indiana, my friend Kyle, and my friend Brad from Germany. All completely different stances, but each knows what they believe and why they believe it. I don’t care what political agenda you subscribe to, just know why you subscribe to it…although I feel somewhat of a hypocrite because I can’t defend everything I stand for, and some cases I don’t even know what I stand for. I kinda feel like Kerry, pleasing everyone because I can’t set on something and defend it.
One thing Kindra asked me about was sex before marriage and how I felt about it. I told her I was saving myself, staying abstinent, until I get married. She asked me if this stems from religious beliefs or if it is more a personal thing. This really got me thinking. I mean, it definitely stems from religious beliefs originally. I probably wouldn’t think this way if I hadn’t been exposed to religion at an early age and made believe that this is the way the Christians do it. But I think now it is more of a personal thing, a gift I want to give my husband, to say I’ve been with no one but you, I’ve saved this for only you even when I didn’t know you. I think that’s awesome, but is it really because “I love Jesus” that I’m saving myself? To be honest, I don’t think it is. He gave us commands, and to be honest, if you follow them you’ll stay out of trouble, and I think that’s some of it. Think of all the trouble I’m avoiding my not having sex. No STD’s, no pregnancy, no strong emotional ties. I do feel convicted about having sex before marriage, and I know that’s a God thing…
I saw my friend Adam’s art exhibit about Uganda, and it really was moving. It made me want to go there tomorrow. It also made me want to pursue the creative bug in me. In high school I was so concerned with getting good grades that I didn’t take any art classes because you could only get A’s in them and not A+’s. That was the biggest mistake of my life. I love art, I love being creative, I love photography. The exhibit and Mexico just made me realize that there is something more out there. It’s like an emptiness that needs to be filled. Much of that is filled with Christ, but there is still this little hole that screams to me about loving people. I think it’s great when people bring the gospel to foreign lands, more power to them, but these Africans need more than the gospel. They need food and clean water and education and homes for orphans. I don’t want to go just to “proclaim the gospel” I want to go and do something just like we were digging dirt in Mexico. We were doing something, getting something accomplished for someone else, and I felt so alive. I want to go and do something. Mostly I just feel like something is missing from my life, like there’s something more than just going to college, getting a degree, getting a job, getting married, and living a cushy little life in suburban America. I just don’t know what it is. I need to find it, and I don’t know where to look.
Mostly I’m just sick of all this superficial bullshit. I’m sick of people saying they need to do something and don’t do it. I’m sick of people thinking the world revolves around them. Mostly I just want people to stop talking and take some action.
Me and Kindra at Universal after seeing the backlot and Wysteria Lane (yay):
Amazing photographer Adam:
On a lighter note, yesterday I was cantering to a jump on my horse and he spooked at a leadrope on the ground and ran out and I flew over his head, landed on my side in the dirt, hurt myself, and looked like a huge fool. This is exactly how it looked except I went over the jump and my horse didn’t (hehe):
At the Jump
During the Jump
After the Jump
I now have a large bruise on my left leg and my right hip doesn’t want to hold my leg up anymore, great.
On another lighter note:
A U of A golf cart that takes handicapped and injured students home and to class was driving down Mountain with two people in it. Right at the moment when the golf cart was passing an intersection an SUV decided that was the opportune moment to cross traffic. With a great squeal of tires the SUV smashed right into the golf cart. Luckily, no one was hurt, but seriously, funniest thing I have seen in a long time.
Footprints in the Sand - Santa Monica Beach
1 comment:
unfortunately no, but it is exactly what happened except afterwards my horse got freaked out and went galloping away leaving me in the dirt
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